» How to Be a Street Racer

How to Be a Street Racer

'Import Car'

So, you’ve watched ‘The Fast and the Furious’ eight times, and you live by Dominc’s famous words, “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free,” you are a bonified street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, “I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free,” you’re just a bonified fat fuck.
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.

Driving Techniques

First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:

ALWAYS drive fast

Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight

If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast.

When driving in traffic: One word. Weave.

When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win.

Car Image

The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):

Step 1

+ 5 Horse Power

Step 2

+ 10 Horse Power

+ 2 extra Horse Power]

Step 3

+ 5 Horse Power

Step 4

+ 7 Horse Power

Step 5

If you are a girl

+ 2 Horse Power

Step 6

+ 10 Horse Power

FYI

+ 4 Horse Power

Step 7

+ 1 Horse Power

Step 8

+ 10 Horse Power

Step 9

+ 10 Horse Power

Step 10

are

+ a billion Horse Power

Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:

Step 1 - Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for “Would you like to eat my dust?”

Step 2 - When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:

“Your mom goes to college!”

“Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!”

” I slept with your girlfriend last night!”

“I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!”

Racing

Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.

Winning/ Losing

Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:

If you win

If you lose

Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life

To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching porn and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.

79 Comments so far
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This is the best article ever! I would like to add, you need to always rev your motor…ALWAYS. In drive thru’s, stop signs/lights, parking lot’s, and especially when backing up. Assuming you know how to back up.

Sounds a lot like my room mate…

sounds alot like me..what a shame.

have you been watchin me ? sound like it , nice page

wanna race
u moter fucker

nice sounds like me a person who lover to drive fast
hope to put more images of street cars

You forgot about adding type R stickers all over the place. I type R’ed my 92 dodge spirit and picked up about 50 horsepower no joke.

waz up

not bad guide otehr then the ghetto cartboard lol

ite any 1 up 4 a pink slip race?
my car is a chevy nova tuned to the
max if u wana try and win it den contact
me @ james_pross_123@hotmail.com

for me being a girl sounds about right except i dont go for the pinks im not a little prissy wanna be racer chick!!

I have 2 lamborghini’s and I have an Austin Martin Vanquish that I would like to sell. If anyone is interested, contact me at 765-5676. Lamborghinis starting at $70 000. Austin Martin starting at $60 000.

So there was this Jap crap car driving all hot-shot and in my face. This guy thought he was the best street racer in the world. So I followed him home and then figured out where he lived. The next day, I drove my Lamborghini Concept S. over to his house and burned some dohnuts on his lawn. He came uot all red faced ready to kill me. So I smilled and asked him to race. He said yes… (not knowing what type vehicle mine was, because he is all into the Jap crap) he climed into his vehicle and I stepped on the gas a smashed his car to bits. The sacrafice my Lamborghini made, to destroy him, was awsome!

aight, its bad boy Marshall from the ghetto (Bingley UK). another thing you need to do is put some phat neons on your car and put it on ‘music’ mode- that way when you shout ‘i popped my sausage in your sisters mouth’ the neons go to your voice, and you clearly pick up around 20 more horsepower points for looking extremely cool.

check this a55hole in Hong Kong:
http://www2.hkbmwgroup.com:443/bbs/Uploa
dFile/200632014185213231.jpeg

Wow thanks for the great tips.

So being a Street Racer in the US is the same in Australia. Except most of our bogans believe that their family based cars with Buick 3.8L V6 motors are the shit, and a set of 3 inch cut springs is race car material. Then there is the sterio, which usually consist of a Sony CD player and Sony 6×9’s ranked to the max. All you can hear is duwiosh duwiosh duwiosh.

i liked your page and i fucked your sister!! i like cheeeese sons of a bitches

You also forgot the painted 2L bottles of pepsi to make em look like chrome NaAWwwWwWSssS Tanks! oh and the clear tail lights… of covers! those are so IN right now

it’s so sad that most of these are really true

Street Racers are all faggets

YO I GOT VTEC,YO!!!

you forgot to add, you are supposed to take a 4door civic or teg and not only adorn such a magnificent machine w/ stickers but u need to put those huge vinyl TYPE-R going diagonally across the entire car. oh and gloves, rice boys love to wear batting gloves when they race, specifically full finger ones that say “louisville slugger” on them.

dude you dont know shit about racing

much love
jay and silent bob

SATURNS OWN ALL

LOL nice guide, but coming from an american lover, that thinks his domestics are the sh1t, just makes me laugh, btw the mexicans use old mustangs, and doge neons to rice them out, the srt-4 is american rice lmao

you suck get a life

omg this was sooo fucking hilarious. its hard to have an import car nowadays and want to tune it right without some hotshot dick revving at you or swerving in front of you.
any rice boy sees my intercooler and wants to fuckin drop it and go, no matter who’s in the car.

god they give the import scene a bad name.

thanks for making my night with this article!!

damn these are nice tips ill try them out !

This is dead-on, it is very popular over on www.ephatch.com, home of the Civic Si. Rice is a dirty word to us and there are import owners fighting the stereotype! But since anyone with a brain stem can buy a type-r sticker and a wing….

RICEKILLER.COM Supports this post and commends the person who created it! Well done!

This sounds like a lot of members of the toronto Street racing Community.

Fuck all there V-tec I got a 2.3L Mustang that could be mad fast if I could get some more stickers , lights & stereo shit in it!!!

Damn Son! Mad tyte V-Tec & Import Racing forever.

BTW you stole the traffic weaving bit from George Carlin.

thnaks for the tips haha

some of the tips are kool dude but the modifying body shitt with card board sucks..!!!spp pretyy kool over all..keep the shit runnin..peace!!

my geo metro has a penis

WHO DA FUCK WROTE THIS SHIT? FUCK OFF RICERS, TASTE MY V8 SUPERCHARGED STANG FUCKERS

It was great here~!

your sisters buck teeth scraped my penis, now i’m going to have to BPT own your ass… put that booty up bitch, it’s been a while since i tapped some Si ass.

:haha:
props from clubprotege.com!

Funny how Ricers and “street racers” never go to track events.
They must figure they’ll get embarrased since driving a real car on a real track is nothing like Gran Tourismo.
Plus their neon glow might not make them faster.

fuckin a man!

awwwww sheeeeiet!!! that’s wicked man!! just gonna add a bit more stuff to make any lameass be a street racer!

1. :Lower your seat back as far possible to create the F1/KART driver style of straight legs/straight arms (what manure). Also to keep your CG as close to the tarmac as possible.

2. Wear shades - all day AND all night. Just like those cool air force pilots, just that you’re a cool road pilot!

3. Drive with 1 hand gripping the steering at 12o’clock, wrist cocked, arm muscles flexed, body 45 degrees right. To give the impression that driving your power steering/brake/light action clutch enabled car is VERY HARD & TOUGH TO DRIVE, and that you are ONE MEAN & TOUGH GUY COZ YOU CAN DO IT WITH 1 FARKING HAND.

Your mom goes to college!!!

I see some people on this thread have lots of Muscle under their hood but not in their head…Mustangs are sweet but the owners who posted here clearly are driving the clown car version..figure it out..don’t try to hard or u might strain a muscle

Article was HILARIOUS!

the morons replying weren’t… especially the tool with the “i did donuts on his front lawn with my lambo” Omfg who doesn’t know what a lambo is? who cares if hes into the jap scene your just a dumbass… along with all you heavy cocky rustangs thinkin your the shit as well… ur just as bad as them ricers.

GO euro luxury!

Yeah my 350 horse Mustang Mach 1 puts all your fag ass Jap imports and pussy 4 and 6 cylinders to shame. what a bunch of FAGS!

You also need to make it run on rice

FARTCAN!!!

Well…

I think that is a good viewpoint

I hate it when some one takes a nice family car, like a civic and makes it sound like my grandmothers sowing machine! My supercharged v6 would smoke the shit out a Jap sowing machine anyday!
Get a real car and a life. I know you dont have a life or a clue about racing.
And you’ve probably never been laid. Fuck Japs

*claps*

This was a big help.Thanks for the tips!!

this was so funny really made me laugh but im quite worried that some people genuinely seemed to agree with some of the advice u gave in this article? and seemed to think it was a good idea? o well thanks for giving me a good laugh my friend

Guys can’t “masturbate”. I once knew this guy who knew everything about sexual crap, and he told me that only girls could do that.
Funny, though.

Dude, i was on the interstate and this little civic pulled up beside me and revved his engine, im driving a 1998 buick regal GS with the 3.8L Supercharged v-6, i stepped on it and he ate his little v-tec like a bitch thats american muscle

I have never read a more perfect article describing every asian driving there riced out Asian Pieces of SHIT!!! What’s worse is the white guys trying to act asian by buying their ‘89 Civic, putting a huge pipe on it and naturally assuming it’ll smoke any american car’s ass. My stripped cavalier would smoke that pathetic excuse for an “automobile.” Then you have the guys that buy a lexus and brag about it like it’s king shit. YOU PAID TOO MUCH FOR A TOYOTA!!! GET OVER IT!!! That’s all I’ve got for now–
GO DOMESTIC CARS!!!!

My Rascal Scooter has VTEC! 0-60 in…………..yeah, nevermind. 0-2 in 35 seconds. Sounds about right.

Write a new page when you acually learn something about street racing. And for everyone reading this, do not cut a hole in your exhaust or spray paint your car- this guys an idiot. Talk to me later when you get a car that could maybe stand up against my skyline. later.

Dude this is a funny hell street racing article i’ll tell my friend how what about drifting?

mustangs suck

No…your forgot about the V-Tec stickers. Everyone has those. And what about putting a giagantic, Obnoxious Decal on the side.(better if it does not match at all)

Hahaha, they are all chinks too ! You can’t be cool and be a chink at the same time. Hahahaha.

I cant beleive how stupid this site was omg!

Um, guys…I don’t think this guy was serious. This site is to make fun of riceboys. Anyone who would take this seriously, or see this article and think ‘Yay, this confirms that I am a true streetracer!’ is an idiot. And to pretty much everyone who posted: Go back to high school. Your grammar is terrible.

lmao bud u fuckin made me laugh on dat one yo dawg you should b a comedian man

HAHA this is AWESOME… so true for skylines, they’re heavy enough as it is, anyone who adds a body kit is a real idiot.
this is brilliant body kits suck, and remember people, a good car /doesn’t/ make you a good driver

I only want to know what this big shot drives. It was humourous, but said in such a negative manner you come as some whiny bitter american who got owned by someone in a pimped yugo.

Editor’s note, the writer drives a Honda Fit, and the co-writer drives an Acura TL…

BTW, Honduhs are also fucking JUNK!!!!!!

man could u just telll me how to run a god damn car like a concored
i jus wana know how to drive like a racer….. i know how to drive but don know how to drive like a racer so plzz ….any1 who can help me contact me on ma address i.e(inlandtaipan15@hotmail.com)plzzz.. i really do need some thing cause every time i loose all tha races i participate in..

YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE!!! LMFAO.. NICE PG… I DRIVE AN 89 COROLLA WITH NO MUFFLER AT ALL (BUT IT CAME LIKE THAT) AND EVERYONE ALWAYS TAKES OFF AT THE LIGHTS BECAUSE THEY EXPECT SOME HIGHPERFORMANCE RACE-TYPE IMPORT. LOL, I LOVE RACING, BUT IM STUCK WITH THE 89DX UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES ME AN AUDI RS4 OR INFINITI G35c.

I agree, I think this was a joke. Some people on here need to lighten up a little.
Well I laughed my ass off! And yes ricers do tend to drive like dicks don’t they?

Joo forgot the awesome power of the Blow Off Valve! Even NA cars can enjoy the whoosh with new systems that involve putting speakers in the engine bay! Nothing says “I drive fast and have a big schlong” like a huge whoosh at every gear change. Sadly, the speakers under the bonnet is real. Who the hell would buy those?

Why are some dorks taking this article seriously and saying that their American muscle would smoke this imaginary car? I mean really, it’s a joke Billy-bob. I think them thar boys is makin fun uv yew. This car sucks, that car is shit, you’re all idiots. I don’t care what car your in, it’s how you drive. “Dood! I’ll be croozin by while u is wrapped round a tree coz of my leet skillz and AWD and Vtec and ….. ” Wake me up when someone who can drive and can prove it has an opinion.

that was great!!! now i can go out and terrorize the streets just like my idols on TF&TF!!!!

Haha. All you people that were offended by this, THAT MEANS YOU’RE GAY!

And import haters make me laugh. Go stick your dick in your rustang tailpipe.

this article is shit funny. this actually describes all the racers round here in the big UK. all these people going on about supercharged V8’s probably havnt even seen a V8 in there life and r jus grievin in the fact they hav a rust bucket which is a joke of a car n r jus jealous of the people with half decent cars and like a different culture to them.
anyway this article is too gd
holla at ya boy

anyone got any pics of rice boys actually wearing batting gloves???

Love ur satirical shit dog, keep makin em!

Ok, alot of these comments sound like they are coming from 10 year olds that have been playing a little to much need for speed….Take it easy.

Wow the guys at E46fanatics.com are going to love this. (BMW Forum) Im so glad I live in Michigan and there isnt much of the Rice Shit going on over here.

Thats fuckin awesome….

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How to Be a Street Racer

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